Mardi Gras

3/3/00 - 3/9/00


"Everyday like a Mardi Gras,

Everybody party all day,

No work, all play, okay ."

-Will Smith


"I remember the stupid things,

The mood rings,

The bracelets and the beads."

-Third Eye Blind


I'm going to try really hard to tell this story, even though I really don't remember all the events of the week. Some of these stories may get the people involved in trouble, so I'll try not to give away too much. Actually, screw them. I'll tell it all.

All I really remember is checking into the hotel…going down to the bar…it was 3 for 1 happy hour…then checking out of the hotel 5 days later.

It may have been only 5 days in New Orleans, Louisiana, but it seemed like a month. The strangest part is that all the stories people have told me about the things that go on at Mardi Gras, really didn't hold true. It was at least one hundred times stranger and freakier than anyone ever let on. Rather than give a day by day accounting of what happened at the "Gras", I'm just going to write down individual words and phrases either spoken by us, or someone else down there that should tell the story pretty well. At least for those of us that were there, since no one else will get it. Enjoy.


Pizza Hut.

Meat Lovers pizza.

No smoking in Dan's car for the 23 hour drive.

3 for 1 happy hour.

Scavenger Hunt.

Trashing the bathroom.

Broken towel rack.

Shower cap.

Shaving fiasco.

80 pounds of beads around your neck.

Oh Jesus.

Oh God.

Oh Shit.

Oh Fuck.

Bourbon Blues.

Drinkin' and Fuckin'.

The Voodoo Lounge.

Two For One Night.

Evil Tim from Cincinnati.

My hairy, flabby ass.

Goth Chicks.

Showing your willy for beads.

"He's so cute, I just want to fuck him."

Mike - The Prince of Useless Information.

Spat - The King of Useless Information.

Watching a Jazz festival in the park.

Trek Girl.

Water finds it's own level.

Fire Eater.

Sawing some girls bangs off with a knife.

Screwing with the Jesus Freaks.

Jesus loves me, but he thinks you're an asshole.

"I don't know Jesus personally, but the girl I was with last night kept screaming his name."

Crucifix bead toss.

Peeing on the Police Station.


Naked night.

Naked night 2.

Crazy Canadian guy with no shirt.

Big Tit Beads.

"If you touch mine, I get to touch yours."

Illegal choke hold.

The Fat Sisters.

The Famous Door.


Magic Grits.

Silk Thong.

Used Rubbers For Real Cheap Fuckers.

Female Condom.

Rancid, nasty Teddy Bear.

The Playboy Limo.

Bible stealin'.

Toothbrush thieves.

Fuck you, you fucking fuck.

Locked swimming pool (poor Juan).

Club 1417

"I Gave My Underwear To Juan And Spat And All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt".


Doin' the Gras.

Mardi Graw.

Kiddie Porn transported across State lines.

Collecting "Kiss Prints."

Me and Mikey kissing by osmosis.

Hand-job in the club.

Dan's new friend.

The Drew Cardboard Cutout.

Spanish Chick.

Garter Belts and Thongs.


My Power is Beyond Your Understanding!

Captain Morgan.

Fairy with burned wings.

Crushing the Pudgies cup.

Melinda the hot cousin. Mmmm.

Getting kicked out of the elevator by a bunch of old Brits.

Sleeping double…naked.

The Black Burrito.

Rubbing boobs with the ladies.

Dan creaming on my leg.

Bruce and Danielle. "The Swingers".

Trading up for beads.


Body paint don't count as topless.

Body paint doesn't rub off as easily as it should.

No such thing as "Last Call". Or, "What does 'Close' mean?"

Pretending to be a bouncer. VIP don't mean nothing to me.

"I'm a moth, keep me away from open flames and screen doors."

Mikey sleeping on the couch.

Dan sleeping on the air mattress

Juan sleeping on the bed.

Flashbacks in our sleep.

Alcohol withdrawal.

Hanging in the park.

Flatulence and chemical warfare.

Canal Street.

Cunnilingus and psychology.

"For once I agree with the Jew."

Juan hanging with the Colonel.

"I don't want to fuck you, I just want to eat your pussy."

I want my Crawfish.

Puking at the bar. Thanks Evil Tim.

Juan Snoring.

Nikki Snoring.

Mikey Snoring.

Dan Snoring.

"Do you sell hats here?"

"Give me some beads!"

"Hey, my eyes are up here, lady."

W'Sup!! Or, Wuzz up!!

Dight (or what we called the mixture of day and night since they both held no meaning).

Body Piercing saved my life.

Pikachu must die!!

Here's a big old bottle of "Shut the Fuck Up."


All drink and no smoke make Spat go crazy.

Driving the wrong way down a one way street.


More to come as we remember more.


If you have any questions, E-Mail me.