I must say that I'm feeling real fine,
Money in my pocket and girls on mind.
Though I'm not talkin' 'bout a true romance,
Eighteen double oh and a table dance.
Because it's really kind of funny,
If you drop a little money,
How the ladies start-a-buzzin',
Like a bee does to the honey.
It's all about making them hometown laughs,
Party like a rock star, kick a little ass."
- Sprung Monkey
2, 3, 4, 5,
6, 7, 8,
a goddamned cold!
I finally got up early this morning so I could work on my tan, and no
sun! What the fuck is going on here. No sun in Bodrum?
This is probably the most boring vacation I've ever been on. No adventure,
no stories, nothing. Just the barest sense of drama.
What's going on? Did I lose my Mojo?
My camera is on the fritz these days. Doesn't seem to want to take pictures
during the day, which really sucks since that's when all the hotties
are out in their bikinis.
Sun! I see sun. Let's just hope it lasts and I can sweat this cold out
The other day my dad mentioned talking to Idil, said he never called
her a cockroach, he called her a cock tease. Big difference. And that
makes much more sense.
Well, four hours later, and still no sun. Figures, the one day I wake
up early. Oh well, maybe tomorrow.
Well, it rained on and off all day. I finally gave up and headed into
bodrum to do some shopping. Hit the Internet cafe to check my mail (160
e-mails in only 5 days!) then came home for a nap.
After my shower I headed to the bar for some dinner. While on the dock
with my dad and Gunten, I saw Idil, Miray and Nazli go by. They were
heading off towards the Taxi and Bus stations, and didn't even wave
After a drink at the bar I headed down the boardwalk to see if I could
find them. I figured they either went to Ship Ahoy or to the Taxi stand
to get a ride into Bodrum. But either way, it was nice to be out.
I found a table at the edge of Ship Ahoy and started "drinking
to remember how to drink to forget". Man was I bored.
Ship Ahoy is a (you guessed it) outdoor nightclub with a dock. It's
right by the water here in Turkbuku, and not very big. But for some
reason, it's packed with people every night. They play good music (but
I swear it's the same exact songs every night. I can set my clock to
"I Will Survive". "Oh, they're playing Shakira, I guess
After 2 drinks I was ready to head home, but decided to do a walkthrough
of the place, and then I saw Miray and Nazli and some other girls at
a table having some drinks.
Miray invited me over, and told me that Idil was with them also, but
was in the bathroom. I asked if I should leave and she said no. After
the way Idil had been avoiding me all week, I wasn't sure if she would
want to see me. But she seemed happy when she came in, so I guess that's
a good sign.
as soon as she saw I was there she made her way into my field of view
and started dancing. Something she hadn't been doing all night (I was
Miray said they were heading to Hemera afterwards and wanted to know
if I would join them. Hemera sounded familiar, but I just couldn't place
the name at the time.
Idil told me that she didn't want to go to Hemera, so I offered to grab
a bottle of wine and some glasses and we could sit by the water and
talk. Sounded like a good plan to me. She seemed interested, but then
Idil said she would go to Hemera if she were drunk. So I ordered some
Tequila! We did a shot, had a few more drinks, then the bill came. I
was in a good mood; this was probably the most fun I had all week, so
I paid it. Miray and Nazli protested, and I finally let them leave the
When we were about to leave, Idil found some friends and they offered
to drive us to Hemera. I though it would be easier to take a taxi than
squeeze 8 people into a car, but I was outvoted. She asked me if it
was ok, and I asked how we would all fit. She said that some people
would have to sit on other people's laps. I told her that was fine,
as long as she sat on my lap.
to the car.
but when the car pulled around, she was already sitting in the passenger
seat on some other guys lap. Oh well.The driver asked where Hemera was,
and someone told him Gumbet.
Now I remembered where I knew the name from!
For those avid readers of this little web page, allow me to let you
in on a little secret; I generally don't post information on everything
that goes on in a particular escapade. That's right, I keep secrets
even from you.
There are many reasons for this, sometimes it's to keep someone out
of trouble (usually not me), and sometimes it's because I don't like
to kiss and tell.
So let me start by filling in a few omissions;
Omission #1: In the Dog Bay story, I forgot to mention that on one of
the last days I was there, Mine went out and bought 2 matching rings,
put on one, and slipped the other onto my finger and told me that we
were now married. So we have always called each other husband and wife
since that night.
In the Turkey '01 story, I kind of skipped the fact that as soon as
I arrived in Turkey, all my friends ran and called Mine to tell her
I was in town. She would call my friends and have them track me down
so we could talk on the phone. She would make plans with me to meet,
but I would always say I couldn't make it, or I would blow her off.
Why? Because I had a girlfriend in NY. That's right, folks, I didn't
want to cheat on my girlfriend with my wife.
About four days into the trip, my girlfriend called and broke up with
me. I flipped. I wanted to know why, but couldn't get a straight answer
out of her. So finally, I decided to head home early and find out what
happened. And also to make sure she didn't pack up and move out with
all my furniture.
I told my friends that I was leaving that night, ten days earlier than
planned. Well, somebody called Mine and told her what was going on.
She quit her job, packed her bags, checked out of her hotel, jumped
into a taxi, and came to my hotel with about 20 minutes until I was
to leave for the airport.
She begged me to stay. She had booked the room I was staying in, and
did everything humanly possible to get me to stay. You would need the
will power of a Saint to deny her; she can be very convincing when she
turns on the charm.
When Calvin saw her, he walked to the payphone, called his mother and
told her we weren't leaving. In his mind, there was no way I would turn
down 10 days with Mine.
He was wrong.
And it's probably the only thing in life that I truly regret.
and I at the airport last year.
The point to this? The job Mine quit was at a nightclub in Gumbet called
The first thing I thought when I made the connection was, "and
the adventure begins".
Can you imagine the thrill of finding Mine there? Would that not a great
story make? Wouldn't it rock if Idil saw Mine and I together? That would
totally make her jealous! What a night that would have been.
Well, she wasn't there. But it could have been a great tale, huh? A
legendary escapade if there ever was one.
We had a drink in the VIP room (Miray knew the bouncer). Idil kept dancing
up to me, touching me, and generally flirting really hard the whole
time. But then Idil said that one of the guys that drove us was a little
too drunk, so they were going to take him home. She suggested that Miray,
Nazli and I just take a taxi home.
Huh? How fucked up is that? The only reason I came out with them was
to hang out with Idil. Yes, I still had a thing for her, and was still
kind of hoping that I could somehow win her over.
What could I do? I had no choice but to agree. They left, and we had
another drink, then hailed a taxi and headed to this really popular
late night restaurant for a bite to eat.
of the day!
And whom should we run into? Idil. I can only assume that her drunken
friend lives there in the restaurant. What other explanation could there
be? She's not the kind of girl who would blow me off, is she?
She didn't join us, thankfully, and I think I spent the next half hour
in an Idil rant (sober, for once). As some of you know, most of my rants
are conducted in that hazy, alcohol induced, uninhibited frame of mind.
This one was clear and to the point.
cool and trendy.
When I finished, we got into our taxi (yes, it waited for us outside
the restaurant with the meter off. Gotta love turkey) and headed home.
I didn't walk in the door until 6 am!
is what I found waiting for me when I got home.
By 9 am
this morning, I was wide-awake. I just couldn't fall back sleep. I tried,
but by 10 am I knew it was no use, so I cleaned myself up, got dressed
and headed to the dock for some sun.
I made plans last night with idil to meet her here at 1 pm, so in the
meantime, I finally get to work on my tan.
A little after 1 she arrived and we headed to Maki, a beach resort/bar/restaurant
at the edge of Turkbuku. Yes, it's outdoors, and yes, it has a dock.
Seeing a trend?
Now, maybe I'm not hip to the subtle cultural differences between Turkey
and the US, but it's always been my feeling that a girl with a boyfriend
shouldn't accept drinks, or dinner, or lunch from another man. Maybe
it's just me, but I personally consider that a slight form of cheating.
Especially if she never mentions to this guy that she has a boyfriend.
Then it's even worst. But maybe I'm old fashioned.
Going under the premise that we're "friends", wouldn't a new
boyfriend be something you'd mention to a friend?
I was willing to let last night go, under the assumption that maybe
she was drunk, and didn't realize that what she was doing was wrong.
As far as I was concerned, she had flirted with me pretty hard last
night, and it's only thanks to the fact that I'm such a nice guy that
I didn't take things in the wrong way or get upset. I mean, is it my
fault that I'm so damned irresistible?
She did make it clear in Istanbul that she just wanted to be friends
and nothing more. And since she knows how I feel about her, why would
she go out of her way to flirt? Especially if she has a boyfriend?
So, we're at Maki, and she orders lunch, drinks, and later, a dessert.
Now I don't mind covering the occasional tab for a "friend",
but I would really appreciate if they let me know in advance that I'm
to be paying because they're short that day or whatever. I would never
hold it against someone for being "under funded" once and
a while. But have the courtesy to tell me. When they assume that I'll
just pay for everything without so much as a "thank you",
then I get offended.
At least pretend to reach into your pocket to get money when the check
comes. Then at least we're playing the little game. You reach into your
pocket, I say that I've got this one, you put up a little fight, but
quickly let me win. Offer to pay the tip, for Christ's sake! Otherwise
you've just called me a sucker in so many words.
Can you figure out what happened at 7 pm when the bill for our day in
the sun arrived?
Not even so much as a thank you. If you're going to fuck me, at least
kiss me first.
I later found out that while we were at Maki, Kerem's boat sunk! It
seems he drove it to Maki, and while he was there, someone must have
hit it because there was a big hole in the side of it just above the
water line. No one noticed it, but when they got in, it sunk! Must have
scared the hell out of them.
We left, and I stayed at my dad's bar while Idil went home. Apparently
she had plans to have dinner with some other friend of hers. Poor guy.
I bumped into Miray and Aydin at the bar, and we made some plans to
hang out that night, but basically all agreed not to pay for Idil anymore.
It seems she has everyone pick up her tab for her. No one I've talked
to has ever seen her spend even $1.
Maybe she really is broke. But if so, couldn't she say that to me? That
would make things so different. At least she'd be being honest. And
a thank you when I do pay also goes a long way.
Anyway, I went home, took a quick nap, and shower, and then headed back
to the bar for dinner.
Afterwards, it was off to Ship Ahoy again.
Is there a sign on my forehead that reads, "chump"?
What is it about me and women treating me like a sucker?
The scary part is, it's not all women. Oddly enough, it seems to only
be women that call me Errol. Yes, there it is, my real name! Happy now?
When people call me Spat, it's more than just a name. It's an attitude.
Spat is that freaky guy, the self-imposed center of attention, the life
of the party. The guy that's always ready with a quick joke, funny story
or a magic trick.
But Errol is the nice, quiet guy that most people ignore. Very few people
call me Errol, though most people I meet, I do tell them my real name.
And I always give them the choice of what they choose to call me.
Most choose Spat. But on a rare occasion, someone does decide to call
me Errol. Idil called me Errol. And my ex girlfriend who broke up with
me last summer while in was on vacation and had me worried that she
was going to steal all my stuff called me Errol.
You may assume that everyone in Turkey calls me Errol, since it's basically
a Turkish name. And you'd be right for the most part.
But there was one Turk who always called me Spat. And that Turk was
my wife Mine.
What does this all mean? I have no idea. Maybe I'm just babbling.
Anyway, Miray, Nazli, and I headed over to Ship Ahoy and got a table
on the deck. A few minutes later, Aydin, and Ersin (my bar's bouncer)
all happy and giggly.
you dare take that fucking picture!"
time I turned around, Nazli was laughing and dancing, so I'd go to take
a picture of her. She'd smile and be ready right up until I snapped
the pic. This is what I got.
We had a few drinks, and then Idil arrived. I can't say I was ignoring
her, but I definitely wasn't paying attention to her the way I usually
do, or the way she seems to want me to. I was barely even looking at
her, even when she was dancing in front of me. Again.
I made a point to not order anything from the waiter. If I wanted a
drink, I walked to the bar and got it myself. Just wanted to make sure
there was no way anyone would expect me to pick up the tab.
At one point she finally asked me why I wasn't talking to her. We were
in a crowded nightclub sitting right by a speaker, and besides, what
was there to talk about?
Idil kept trying to make plans for her and I to meet the next morning
and head back to Maki. I guess I showed her a good time today.
I had planned to go into bodrum that morning and buy a new camera so
I told her I'd meet her there later. Let someone else buy her lunch.
The "Spat's Free Meal Wagon" is officially closed.
Well, at about 3 am, Aydin and Ersin left, and about a half hour later
it was last call, so I headed home.
1, 2, 3,
4, 5, 6, 7,
8, 9, 10
you have any questions, E-Mail me. Spat@spatcave.com